Trauma's Hidden Pain

Breakfast in the mountains means a bowl of cereal and two mandarin oranges. I like to read while having breakfast. That can backfire. As I was peeling the orange and breaking it apart, I found the inside was all moldy! Had I mindlessly eaten it, well, you can imagine.

Sadly, trauma has that effect upon us. We can look great on the outside, but on the inside, we carry open wounds that weaken us emotionally if not physically as well. Ignoring our pain, “pushing on,” or even discounting it does not make that wound heal. And like that orange, left alone, the mold grows until it takes over. We become defined by that trauma. We are living with chains wrapped so tightly around us that we can’t truly live.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has spent his career studying trauma and the effects it has on the body. Basically, trauma is stored in our body and changes our brain. If we truly want to be free to live the life we want, we must process our pain. It can be scary to revisit a terrible time in our life, but unless we can resolve it, put all the pieces back together, we cannot move forward.

So how do we heal? Some options:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps keep the mind calm while revisiting that trauma moment. The goal is to so relax the body that the mind can calmly examine the trauma and release it.

• Yoga/physical movement helps the body relax. Since trauma is stored in the body, relaxing the body helps lessen the effects of the trauma. We have a tendency to ignore our bodies and not pay attention to what they are trying to tell us. Example – think of a time when you were really stressed. Focus on that time. Now, where are you noticing the tension in your body? For me, I notice it in my shoulders and back. That is where my stress manifests itself. So, if I pay attention throughout the day and notice my shoulders and back are beginning to be tight, I can do exercises to relax them. Pay attention to your body.

• Dance/theater/play can give you an opportunity to “rewrite your story” in a way. You get to be in control instead of the trauma. Have you noticed how many people in the entertainment industry have revealed their own traumatic past and yet turned that pain into something positive.

Important points to keep in mind:

1.      You are not defined by your traumatic past unless you want to be.

2.      Resolving your trauma does not mean you won’t feel pain anymore. Trauma leaves tender spots in us. If those spots are poked, you will feel some soreness/pain. The difference is that the pain no longer consumes you.

3.      You are forever changed by trauma. Do not expect to be exactly like you were before. But you do get to decide how you are changed. That is your strength.